When Sex Goes Wrong..

Hey dolls,

Sorry it has been a while since I last blogged but lets just hope it was worth the wait!

After talking with some friends about sex (obviously something I talk about a bit too often) and things that can go wrong, we started to have a real laugh at the stories that were coming up. You know, when cum goes in your eye and you think you are blinded or someone walks in on you etc.

I will start with myself.. Let me just add that this is a story that not many people know as I have always been completely embarassed by this and the thought of it still takes me back to the shock.. anyway..
A few years back I was seeing this guy and it was all going great. One day I was at his and he was going down on me. From the minute he started, I knew I was going to have to fake it and actually think of something to get me wet (I think at the time it was Channing Tatum dancing naked) as his tongue was not doing it for me. The boy had no clue what he was doing. Ten minutes in and me getting bored by his obscure ways of licking a vagina, he could tell I was getting restless, so he started going for it. Next thing I remember was screaming and kicking him in the face. He fell off the bed, I was in agony. I put my hand down to my vagina which was throbbing and not in a nice 'Jacob from Twilight is naked' kind of way. He had bitten my vajayjay. I was bleeding. Boy bit me!! I got dressed, left and refused to ever speak to him again. He obviously was very apologetic. I told him to do one.

Awful I know. Another embarassing time for me was in Spain a few years back. I had gone out with my cousin and a bunch of her friends and we got really drunk and ended up in a kareoke bar where I was actually being stalked by a midget. (I have pictures to prove this!) Anyway, I ended up getting with one of my cousins friends and ended up back at his. Or his Grandma's! After a bit of fun and frolicks I decided it was time for me to go. However, he did not want me to turn on the light as we might wake
up his grandma (don't worry, she was not in the same room) so I could not find my top. So in the end, he gave me one of his shirts. Spot the skank whore. Walking through the port at about 4am when the last few drunks were still out, wearing my denim skirt and this oversized shirt that you could see my bra through. He walked me back to my cousins appartment and as I walked in, my cousin just looked
at me and laughed.

Ok, enough about me.
Meet my friend *Joe. Joe had been with his girlfriend for some time and decided the bed was boring and wanted to try having sex elsewhere. So Joe lifted his girlfriend up onto a set of drawers he had in his room and they started having sex.
A few minutes in, there was a weird noise but neither gave it too much attention as things were getting steamy.Now, they wish they would have paid attention. The drawers gave in and Joe's girlfriend fell, penis still inside her. The drawers could not take her weight and they broke. As did his cock. 999 - AMBULANCE! Joe was rushed to hospital with a snapped penis. He had to have his foreskin cut off and have the muscles in his penis stitched back together. It took three months to heal and he could not have sex or even masturbate for all that time.
SHAME!

My friend *Brad is a massive flirt and funny guy. A few years ago he went travelling with two of his boy friends. When in Figi, Brad met a cute petite girl at a party who he knew he wanted to have his way with. As the party was coming to a close, Brad hinted to the girl that they should go down to the beach. She was more than happy to join him. Straight away they started to get it on. She kept hearing noises and telling Brad but he told her to ignore them. Brad knew full well what the noises were. BUGS. He was so drunk and wanted a shag he didn't care. They had sex and as he pulled his cock out, he saw a bug crawl into her vagina. Brad screamed and ran off. He does not know what happened to the girl.

Meet *Sandy. A girl who cracks me up with every story she tells. She met a guy called *Jonny through some friends and took quite a liking to him. They started meeting up and after some time were seeing eachother quite often. They would go out and kiss and hold hands, all very cute. One night Sandy decided to cook for Jonny and make things romantic. They had a great dinner, drank some wine and moved on to the bedroom. They started kissing and clothes started flying accross the room and onto the bed they went. Sandy was very excited to finally have sex with Jonny. She really liked him and knew it was going to be great. How wrong she was. Jonny started to make very weird noises and started screaming whilst having an orgasm. Sandy lay there shocked. Jonny was shaking and making noises like a little girl. He then came. He then collapsed onto Sandy and then sat up again. She looked at him and burst out laughing. Her exact words to him were, "Are you serious???!!" Put it this way, she ended things with him the next day! HAHA!

Let me introduce you to *Tony. Tony is a guy I have known for a few years, and let me tell you, is gorgeous. All the girls want a piece! One night, a week after Tony had an operation on his arm he went to the pub with some friends.
A few days later, a girl he knows phones him up and said a girl she was with at the pub the other day fancied him and would probably sleep with him. Tony was not really phased but let the girl give her friend his number. An hour or so later, Tony gets a call from a random number and it happens to be the girl from the pub, *Tanya. They chat for a bit and Tanya asks Tony if he was free to get a drink later that night. So later that night, Tony went to pick up Tanya and they went for a drink. She had already been drinking and was already pretty wasted. OVer a drink, she starts
getting cheeky and asks Tony what the naughtiest thing he ever did was. Tony comes back with usual men answers, "had a threesome" or "slept with my French teacher in school." Tanya then asks him if he is going to fuck her and they soon get in his car. Tanya then tells him she does not want to go back to her flat but rather go to her parents house. Tony knew this was a bit odd but he went along with it. As they arrive to the house, she tells him to wait so she can turn of the CCTV cameras. This was the first moment Tony should have driven away. In they go and she tells him to wait on the bed whilst she changes. She comes back in sexy lingerie and tells him to lie on the bed so she can massage him. Out comes the lotion and she starts massaging him, down his legs, up his back, around his balls then WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAAM up goes her finger in his ass! He was in shock, pushed her off with his one good arm and turned around to have sex. The whole time, she had told Tony to keep his voice down as her parents were next door and next thing you know it, he is shagging her brains out and she is screaming and all of a sudden, a voice from next door goes "shh!" They both cum and Tony gets dressed. Tanya then starts saying she wants to go again but Tony says he needs to leave. She blocks the door and tells him he cannot leave as her husband is asleep next door, not her parents. He said he needs to leave to take pills for his arm and Tanya starts laughing saying she should have taken her pills. Tony asked what pills she takes. Her reply, "the doctor gives me pills as my sex drive is too high. I can finger myself up to 6 times a day. I love sex. Fuck me again?"
Tony pushes her out the way and dashes to his car. He phones his cousin to tell her of his mad night to which his cousin laughes hysterically. He knew of this Tanya and informed Tony how she had been in a mental home a few years back and is a sex addict.


I hope these stories have kept you all entertained and if you have any stories of your own you would like to share please comment here or tweet me @LittleMissVak or email blogdoll21@gmail.com and keep updated on my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/LMissV

Lotsa Love..

Little Miss V..xx

Say word?!

Some recent Instagrams

Time for a nosh...

Hey dolls,

So a friend of mine and I were talking about sex (as you do on a Friday afternoon) and then came on to the subject of Blow jobs! As soon as I mentioned the word she sighed! I asked why she did that. Her response.. "Why is it guys always expect you to give them head?" To be honest, I did not have a valid answer to reply with, so I simply said, "Because they like it?"

You watch films nowdays and it is so commonly publicised. Take 'Knocked Up' for example. Katherine Heigl has sex with Seth Rogen and asks him what he would like on a second date. He replies with "BJ!" In 'Bridesmaids' there is a classic quote.. "Did you let him sleep over in your mouth?"
Even music mentions it. Take Lil Wayne, he is telling everyone to lick him like a lollipop!

We got off the phone and I actually started thinking about the topic and decided to do some research into it. (Obviously I know enough about blowies/how to give them but wanted to know more!)

So the correct term for a blow job is Fellatio. Other nicknames for it besides blow job and giving head are blowie, nosh/noshing, BJ and sucking off.
Other facts I found out:
1) In ancient Greece, a blowie was better known for as "playing the flute!" (Remind me to hum Flight of the Bumblebee next time I'm noshing)
2) In ancient Egypt in 1300BC, Isis resurrected Osiris from the dead from a blowie.
3) In 1883, the Kama Sutra was translated from Indian to English where it talks about "mouth congress."
4) In India it is also known as mukhamethuna ("oral churning") and ambarchusi ("mango-fruit sucking") - (cannot say I know one guy who has ever called his cock a mango, but hey, in India clearly they do!)
5) In 1998 Monica Lewinsky denied reports of having sex with Bill Clinton but admitted to noshing him off.
6) You can contract HPV from giving head.

So over time, flute blowing has become more and more acceptable. Now, in my generation it is 'just a thing you do' says my friend *Lucy. Now, girls will give a guy a blowie not because he asked for it but purely because they don't mind doing it or think it is worth keeping the guy. Some girls will nosh a guy off continually because it does not phase them where as sex does. Girls would rather wait to have sex until they really like the guy or are in love but can nosh at any given time to any guy. Porn is so regularly watched that ideas of how to give oral sex (I will use a nicer word for once) are plastered on the screen.

So after finding out some true facts about Fellatio, I wanted to know the best ways of how girls I know like to give a blowie and how guys I know like to recieve it..

*Matt:
"I love it when a girl licks the tip of my shaft. It is really sensitive and it drives me wild."

*Jess:
"My boyfriend loves it when I am sucking him off and use my hands to stroke his penis at the same time."

*Jonny:
"Play with my balls while giving me head and I come quicker!"


Well there you go guys and girls, some facts, tips and trueness about "noshing" (I am sure you have seen that this is my favourite word!)

Hope you all enjoyed this and would love to know if you have any tips or advice or questions regarding this blog.

Email blogdoll21@gmail.com or on twitter @LittleMissVak

Lotsa love..

Little Miss V..xx

good night

It's a Gig life for me...

Hey dolls,

Hope you are all good. Thought I would take a brief step away from my usual blogs (don't worry, you'll get the naughtiness back soon) and write about my recent outings to some gigs!

So lets start with last Thursday where I went with my good friend Dominique to the Jack Savoretti gig at the Garage in Highbury/Islington. I have loved Jack's music since I was introduced to it by my friend Scott a few years ago. Since then, I have been a big fan. The gig started at 7pm and we arrived at about 8.30pm where we were just in time for the second supporting act called "We were Evergreen."
Now let me just tell you, when I see a band with a xylophone I get a bit worried but on came this Parisian trio and completely wowed me. With their Indie/pop/folk style, the crowd became really hyped up. They had some really good songs including Vintage Car and Penguins & Moonboats. I was not impressed with the song about Eggs!

They finish and on comes Jack Savoretti and his band. A woman standing in front of me and Dom was jumping and screaming. She must have been in her mid 40's but only now was living her failed life as a groupie. She is clearly his number one fan. She kept dancing to the songs which to be honest, are pretty hard to dance to, a simple bop or shake will suffice. When the slower songs came on, she put her hands together as if she was praying and would close her eyes. I hope she knows she was at a gig and not in church. Her friend also cried at one of the slower songs. Is it mean that Dom and I laughed? Well, come on. Two ladies in their 40s getting overly excited about a singer and crying? I can't even say grow up!
I was suprised to see a double bass up on stage (as it is rare) but Tom (dude on the double bass) rocked it! If any of you have ever seen a picture or watched a video of Jack, you will know he is very good looking. Seeing him up on stage with his guitar and singing live brought a whole new love to my life. I will keep this blog PG. Anyway, after a few new songs, Jack sang "Dreamers" which is my ultimate favourite. I took a lot of pictures and videos (which are all on my facebook for those of you who have me). When the show finished, Dom and I waited around as Jack's manager Danielle was going to introduce us to Jack. So ten minutes after he has come off stage, he comes into the hall and Danielle brings him over to me and Dom and gives us a personal introduction. My knees went to jello! I had a picture taken with Jack and honestly, I felt like a kid. I have met a lot of celebrities in my time and do not get star struck (unless they are really big) and Jack is not a celebrity, but just the fact he sings like an angel, plays the guitar like a rock star and is beyond hot got me worke up. Once again, keeping this PG.

Saturday arrives and out I pop from the shower at about 6pm when I get a phone call from my good friend Ben. "Have you got plans tonight LaLa?"
"Umm yes Ben, why?"
"Well I have two tickets for the Ed Sheeran gig tonight, do you want to go?"
"OK!"

I love me a bit of spontaneity. So my plans got changed and 45 minutes later, Ben was outside my house in a cab to pick me up. Now, as a woman, it takes me at least over an hour to get ready for a night out. I was given 45 mins!! So out I went to the cab with a face half done with make up and a packed dinner from mummy as I had not eaten since breakfast. Bless her. To those of you who know my mother, you know she is a feeder. Even if you are not hungry and in my house, you will be given food. So on route to the gig and Ben and I already start having a giggle about a few funny stories. I finish my packed dinner, finish my make up and we arrive at the venue. Before we went into the show, we go to meet our friends Pippa and Chloe at a pub down the road where the drinking begins. How my mother is a feeder, Ben is like that with alcohol. He will get the drinks in and make sure you get legless. Good ol Benny boy! We finish our drinks and the four of us head over to the HMV forum in Kentish town for the Ed Sheeran gig. Or Ed SheeRAN (sounds like Duran) as Ben would say. He got corrected many a time over the night.
So in we head through the crowd and make our way to a nice spacious spot where we can see the stage. As we arrive, Emeli Sande was performing. Wow she is amazing live. She sang a few ballads and then sang her new song "Heaven" which was awesome.
On came Ed and everyone started screaming. Who knew a 21 year old ginger boy could be so popular! To be fair, half the venue were about his age and probably his high school buds.
So there we are enjoying his music and having a dance when all of a sudden, a girl who Pippa referred to as a 'witch' screamed out loud "Can you not touch my bum you are disgusting" to a few boys standing behind her. These boys became our besties of the night. I did not think it was them who pinched her bum but the Peter Griffin look alike that PVP had a crush on who by the way knew every word to every song Ed sang!
So we continue to enjoy the music and our alcohol and dancing when an oldish man standing near Ben starts having a go at him for dancing. Sorry, I did not know that it was illegal to dance at a gig. So there they are having a domestic when Witch Bitch gets involved and shouts, again, telling them both to shut up. This was very funny yet I did give her my dagger eyes and she did not look in my direction again. I came to the conclusion of why this girl was very angry in life..
1) She was on her period
2) She had not been laid for 6 months or more so was a bit aggy
3) Ed Sheeran would not touch her with a barge pole.
I reckon 1 and 2.

So then the two boys who originally pinched Witch Bitches bum became our mates and were dancing and singing with us. They were very camera happy and I would love to see the videos they took of us, especially one of Pippa and I dancing. Oh, and of course Ben made sure they took a pic of my cleavage. Great. Two turnips from Milton Keyenes have probably got my tits as their profile picture on Facebook. Good times.

Ed Sheeran was actually amazing live. Pixie Lott and Example even turned up to do songs with him which was also pretty awesome. Big thank you to Ben for taking me :)

After the gig, the 4 of us headed into Camden. Well after walking down Kentish Town for 15 mins and me complaining that my nipples were about to cut glass, we jumped into a cab to Bar Solo where some of my friends were partying. Amen for Bar solo. My favourite club. If you like Old school jams, a bit of garage and randomness mixed with Beanie Man, Cameo and new tracks, you need to head there. I can not remember one time I have not had fun there. So the drinking continued, as did the dancing and a great night was had by all!

I have now decided that I need to go to as many gigs as possible as it is so much fun. I love live music. Sorry Pippa, Sideshow Bob (I mean Seasick Steve) will not be one I attend!

Have a great week people..

Little Miss V..x

(Picture 1 -Ed Sheeran and Pixie Lott
Picture 2 - Jack Savoretti
Picture 3 - Jack SAvoretti and I
Picture 4 - Ben, Pippa and I)

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